Dear High School

Dear High School,

You were not the best four years of my life. You weren’t the never-ending highlight reel of my glory days.
You were not what made my life ‘fun.’ You did not result in my lifelong best friends. You were not what
I had hoped you would be.

And I’m finally beginning to make peace with that. 

You were the time and the place where I encountered the darkest things I’ve ever faced. I watched people
hurt and hurt deeply. I witnessed the effects of suicide, the raw grief and gut-wrenching pain that tragedy
leaves in its wake. I saw people give up on themselves and give up on others. I saw people hurting,
searching, longing for something more than this. 

I experienced my lowest loneliness, depression, and anxiety in your midst. There were days where I
couldn’t comprehend how I was going to survive, or if I really even wanted to…stay.

I’m glad I stayed. I couldn’t see it then, and even now it’s blurry, but I am confident that there is more to
my story. 

You taught me how to be loved. I’ve always preferred loving. Loving others is easier. It feels more natural
to me. Yet, you taught me that my needs matter too. You were the space where the pieces of my heart
began to mend because of the love that was extended to me. You taught me that not everyone is going to
like me, and maybe that’s okay. You taught me how to persevere, even when it was the last thing I
wanted to do. You reminded me that there will be days that I feel like waking up for. That my will to get
out of bed in the morning, will return to me. You have shown me that this, this life, is temporary. Fleeting.
That there is incredible value in being where my feet are, and being all there. For this too shall pass. Your
highest highs, and your lowest lows have shaped me. Molded my character, fortified my faith, and
strengthened my mind. 

I learned how to ask for help. And not only to ask for it, but to receive it. I learned that people can be cruel
for no good reason. I learned that my pain is valid. I learned how to let people in. I have begun to learn
what it means to make space for my emotions. 

You were not all that I hoped for. I wanted so much more joy. Deeper and more meaningful connections
with people from all different walks. I wanted to hear more, really hear more of peoples’ stories. The real
stuff. I wanted the tight knit friend group that did everything together. I wanted good, clean fun. I wanted
to meet people that were running after Jesus, willing to give their everything for the Gospel. This is not
what I found. 

I hold the weight of ‘could-have-beens.’ Release. I grieve in the turbulence of transition. I hope for what
the future holds. I don’t want to miss right now. Right now always matters. So here I am, with my whole
heart. Release. I want to more deeply and completely accept myself. I want to trust you more Jesus. 

I am learning to have open hands. Release. 

I am thankful. Ultimately, He is still good. He always was. He always will be. This I hold onto. 

I have been changed for good. Thank you God.

Christina