Manjari's Musings

{do it} fear. fear has kept me silent for so long. even as i type this i feel afraid. but what will people think of me? what if what i have to say doesn’t really matter? what if it doesn’t make a difference? what if it doesn’t mean anything? it has taken me a long time to get to this very page. i’ve put it off and i’ve made excuses and i’ve distracted myself by doing other things. anything other than writing. but the words keep coming and my brain keeps spinning. i feel like i have so much to say. but fear. has pushed the words away and sealed my lips, trapping a thousand characters and a dream inside. i see all these other writers out there, releasing their words to the world and every time i can’t help but think, “i wish that was me.” “i wish i could do that.” but see, here’s the thing---i can. i’ve just been so afraid. i want to talk about mental health. what it’s like to live with anxiety. how depression feels. what the journey of medication looks like. therapy. healing. pressing ...

Dear High School, You were not the best four years of my life. You weren’t the never-ending highlight reel of my glory days. You were not what made my life ‘fun.’ You did not result in my lifelong best friends. You were not what I had hoped you would be. And I’m finally beginning to make peace with that.  You were the time and the place where I encountered the darkest things I’ve ever faced. I watched people hurt and hurt deeply. I witnessed the effects of suicide, the raw grief and gut-wrenching pain that tragedy leaves in its wake. I saw people give up on themselves and give up on others. I saw people hurting, searching, longing for something more than this.  I experienced my lowest loneliness, depression, and anxiety in your midst. There were days where I couldn’t comprehend how I was going to survive, or if I really even wanted to…stay. I’m glad I stayed. I couldn’t see it then, and even now it’s blurry, but I am confident that there is more to my s...