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Do It

{do it} fear. fear has kept me silent for so long. even as i type this i feel afraid. but what will people think of me? what if what i have to say doesn’t really matter? what if it doesn’t make a difference? what if it doesn’t mean anything? it has taken me a long time to get to this very page. i’ve put it off and i’ve made excuses and i’ve distracted myself by doing other things. anything other than writing. but the words keep coming and my brain keeps spinning. i feel like i have so much to say. but fear. has pushed the words away and sealed my lips, trapping a thousand characters and a dream inside. i see all these other writers out there, releasing their words to the world and every time i can’t help but think, “i wish that was me.” “i wish i could do that.” but see, here’s the thing---i can. i’ve just been so afraid. i want to talk about mental health. what it’s like to live with anxiety. how depression feels. what the journey of medication looks like. therapy. healing. pressing ...
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Dear High School

Dear High School, You were not the best four years of my life. You weren’t the never-ending highlight reel of my glory days. You were not what made my life ‘fun.’ You did not result in my lifelong best friends. You were not what I had hoped you would be. And I’m finally beginning to make peace with that.  You were the time and the place where I encountered the darkest things I’ve ever faced. I watched people hurt and hurt deeply. I witnessed the effects of suicide, the raw grief and gut-wrenching pain that tragedy leaves in its wake. I saw people give up on themselves and give up on others. I saw people hurting, searching, longing for something more than this.  I experienced my lowest loneliness, depression, and anxiety in your midst. There were days where I couldn’t comprehend how I was going to survive, or if I really even wanted to…stay. I’m glad I stayed. I couldn’t see it then, and even now it’s blurry, but I am confident that there is more to my s...
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The Name of the Game

Hello lovely people! I would like to offer some background and understanding for the name of this blog: Manjari's Musings. Manjari is my middle name. It is pronounced mun-juh-ree. It is Sanskrit in origin, and means "blooming" or "blossoming." This name is so special to me, for many reasons. It reflects my heritage, as I am half-Indian, my mom being one hundred percent. My maternal grandparents were both born in India, and moved to the United States, where my mom was born. Manjari was also a person. My mom's birth mom. My biological grandma. She died when my mom was very young. I now carry her name. I love it. It's unique, and it has deep roots. It also feels to be a heavy name at times, because it is a reminder of something that was lost, and of a deep pain. And, it gives me a sense of peace to know that her name lives on through me, and that all these words written here, are written under her name. She never could have known that this would come to...
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Welcome! :)

Hello and welcome to my blog! I don't really know what this is going to be or how everything works. Nevertheless, I invite you to share in the journey. I invite you to new conversations. Mostly though, I invite you to walk with me as I share bits and pieces of the life I live. I've always had a passion for words and writing has been one of my greatest outlets. I cannot explain or capture the feeling of getting everything spinning in my mind down onto a piece of paper; it gives me the greatest sense of peace. Words slow me down. They slow me down because (unfortunately) my hand can never seem to write fast enough to keep up with my mind. At times this bothers me, because I have so much to say but even as I sit here typing this I am thankful for the way words have brought a more steady rhythm to my life. For they have caused me to take my time as I process, they have challenged me in the way I describe things and the perspective I claim. Most of all, words are a safe place for ...
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